...
This is not helping, at all. Damn it.
And I'm putting it on repeat. Why the hell.
Mel.
Don't you get annoyed that I always SMS you whenever I'm emo?
Anyway, I like the fact that when you say I can tell you what's wrong, I really feel at ease doing so. :)
Not supposed to be blogging now, but I feel like getting some words across.
Firstly.
Black Book has been performing well as a diary. So much abstract expression in it which I'm sure anyone who dares to read it won't understand anyway. Good. :)
It’s going to be with me 24/7 from now on, I guess. Rather useful to jot down sudden thoughts, feelings and meaningful quotes.
Secondly.
How many people did I flare up at today? Hmmm. At least one, if I recall correctly.
Ma doesn’t know when her nagging ought to stop too. I’ll control, I guess.
Thirdly, and mostly importantly.
Today was an emo day, honestly. I’m not hiding that for sure, since you all know it already. I don’t know if I should apologise for it though.
Anger, sadness, frustration and emptiness are simply emotions to me. Emotions which everyone possesses. I don’t see the need of concealing them. Hence I like people who’re honest and straightforward with themselves.
I admit that I was hiding today. From what and who, I think I know, but I’m not completely certain, and I'm surely not saying.
It was comforting to be able to walk around the school, with a egg mayo sandwich in one hand and my purple handphone in the other hand. Yes, that was what I was doing, curious people.
I didn’t find a secluded spot to do my Math, sadly, so I chose to wander about, avoiding familiar faces and in fact, strangers too. Hm. avoiding every single human being, in that sense. Basically, I lurked around corners of buildings which seem quiet enough.
Walking, munching, thinking, worrying, yet to calm myself down.
It worked, kinda, but of course I’m still feeling odd.
Friends became worried. That’s inevitable, no? It was either me sitting beside the table and looking like a depressed fool or disappearing. I wasn’t sure which would incur less worry from you all, but I chose the latter.
"Don’t emo by yourself."
Mmm... Isn’t that what most people choose to do? Keep troubles within, not let friends worry, etc. For once, I’m following what they’re doing. I don't like ignoring them, so I ignore you all instead.
Besides, I don’t even know why I was being such a freak today. How do I confide in any of you? Saying stuffs like, “I’m not okay, but it’s nothing!” don’t do much in placating any of you.
Thanks for the presence though, for asking, for knowing, however much.
Told Alyssa (“Do you want to tell me?”) that she and Jasmine are my emo-busters. I think it’s really quite true. There’s this strong sense of I-need-not-worry whenever I’m with them. No strings attached. Nothing to even be attached.
As for the rest of you, whom I avoided/ignored/didn’t react to/didn't laugh with/didn't try approaching today, hmmmm.
Nothing for me to apologise, but well.
I think I’ll be alright soon.
And I'm putting it on repeat. Why the hell.
Mel.
Don't you get annoyed that I always SMS you whenever I'm emo?
Anyway, I like the fact that when you say I can tell you what's wrong, I really feel at ease doing so. :)
Not supposed to be blogging now, but I feel like getting some words across.
Firstly.
Black Book has been performing well as a diary. So much abstract expression in it which I'm sure anyone who dares to read it won't understand anyway. Good. :)
It’s going to be with me 24/7 from now on, I guess. Rather useful to jot down sudden thoughts, feelings and meaningful quotes.
Secondly.
How many people did I flare up at today? Hmmm. At least one, if I recall correctly.
Ma doesn’t know when her nagging ought to stop too. I’ll control, I guess.
Thirdly, and mostly importantly.
Today was an emo day, honestly. I’m not hiding that for sure, since you all know it already. I don’t know if I should apologise for it though.
Anger, sadness, frustration and emptiness are simply emotions to me. Emotions which everyone possesses. I don’t see the need of concealing them. Hence I like people who’re honest and straightforward with themselves.
I admit that I was hiding today. From what and who, I think I know, but I’m not completely certain, and I'm surely not saying.
It was comforting to be able to walk around the school, with a egg mayo sandwich in one hand and my purple handphone in the other hand. Yes, that was what I was doing, curious people.
I didn’t find a secluded spot to do my Math, sadly, so I chose to wander about, avoiding familiar faces and in fact, strangers too. Hm. avoiding every single human being, in that sense. Basically, I lurked around corners of buildings which seem quiet enough.
Walking, munching, thinking, worrying, yet to calm myself down.
It worked, kinda, but of course I’m still feeling odd.
Friends became worried. That’s inevitable, no? It was either me sitting beside the table and looking like a depressed fool or disappearing. I wasn’t sure which would incur less worry from you all, but I chose the latter.
"Don’t emo by yourself."
Mmm... Isn’t that what most people choose to do? Keep troubles within, not let friends worry, etc. For once, I’m following what they’re doing. I don't like ignoring them, so I ignore you all instead.
Besides, I don’t even know why I was being such a freak today. How do I confide in any of you? Saying stuffs like, “I’m not okay, but it’s nothing!” don’t do much in placating any of you.
Thanks for the presence though, for asking, for knowing, however much.
Told Alyssa (“Do you want to tell me?”) that she and Jasmine are my emo-busters. I think it’s really quite true. There’s this strong sense of I-need-not-worry whenever I’m with them. No strings attached. Nothing to even be attached.
As for the rest of you, whom I avoided/ignored/didn’t react to/didn't laugh with/didn't try approaching today, hmmmm.
Nothing for me to apologise, but well.
I think I’ll be alright soon.
at
5:05:00 PM
